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The Postal Service today decided to award Kim Kardashamonkey's booty it's own zip code. This decision was reached after officials determined that the sheer scale of her booty required that postal officials give her booty special handling. Fans have suggested some possible options, with the most popular being "00", but officials noted that zip codes require 5 digits. More news to follow.
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Taylor Twits looked in the mirror today, and was shocked to find that her youth is a thing of the past. Needless to say, this created a ripple effect in her fanbase, who realized that they would need to identify a new target for their teenage angst. Applicants for substitute icon may apply on Instagram or Snapchat.
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Kanye (aka "no direction") Baboonski declared at a hastily called press conference that the earth has become too limiting for his resplendant ego. He is currently working with Elon Musk on a special stellar project to explore our galaxy for a suitable planet that can house his titanic ego. We expect more news to be forthcoming.
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Chimp Carry, the "man of a thousand faces", suffered a mishap during the filming of the upcoming "My Little Pony". Doctors report that he now will perpetually have the face of a horse's ass. Those that know him best haven't noticed yet.
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Singer Billie Eyelash, known for her whispering singing style, showed up at her latest recording session despite a full-blown case of laryngitis. After sampling tracks from her latest recording, record executives beamed, "that's a wrap!"
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